Sue Becker

When Does a Gift Become a Burden?



Posted: Wednesday, October 20, 2010

by Sue Becker
From Piles to Smiles

I celebrated my birthday last week and received some wonderful gifts from my friends and family. But the best gifts I received were their time, attention and companionship. This focus on gifts got me thinking about another source of gifts in my life hostess gifts. I'd like your help understanding why people feel they can't show up at my (or anyone's) home unless they're toting a gift. I can understand bringing a bottle of wine or box of chocolates to a dinner party it's a gesture to show the host or hostess that they appreciate the invitation and would like to contribute in a small way to the festivities. What I have a harder time understanding is why some people feel they have to go shopping for trinkets in order to ring my doorbell. Some of my friends and family members give me a gift every time they come to my house they would feel naked if they were to come to the door empty-handed. I've received candles, hand towels, jewelry, clothing, Christmas ornaments, books the list goes on and on.

Now don't get me wrong I certainly appreciate their generosity and thoughtfulness. But as someone who helps people get rid of the excess in their lives and live more simply, it's sometimes hard for me to be fully welcoming of more stuff. On top of that, I feel guilty that I don't like to shop, and don't want to burden people with more stuff, so I don't reciprocate. Now I'm not a total ingrate when I go to someone's home for dinner, I either contribute to the meal (with the hostess' advance approval, of course), or bring something consumable like the predictable and previously-mentioned bottle of wine, but I certainly don't go shopping for "stuff."

When guests bring me a gift, I also feel that I've burdened them in some way rather than just coming over and enjoying a meal and camaraderie in my home, they feel they have to part with their time and money to buy me a gift. But then again, I sometimes I wonder if it's as much a gift for them as it is for me, since it gives them an excuse to partake in their love of shopping. But it makes me feel like a slug when I don't reciprocate.

Hmm, maybe I should be writing this in a diary rather than in an article because my feelings on this issue probably say more about me than they do about the gift-givers. In any case, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. And remember, when you're invited to my house, you're encouraged to come empty-handed.

Wishing you simplicity, harmony and freedom.
Internationally known professional organizer, author, and speaker Sue Becker is the founder and owner of From Piles to Smiles. She enjoys helping people from around the world live better lives by creating customized systems to overcome their overwhelming paperwork, clutter, and schedules. She specializes in helping people who are chronically disorganized - those for whom disorganization has been a lifelong struggle that negatively impacts every aspect of their life, especially people with AD/HD. Her hands-on help, as well as her presentations, have helped thousands of individuals create substantial change in their lives.

Sue is Illinois' first Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization. She co-authored the book Conversations on Success , and has appeared as an organizational expert on NBC News and the national TV show, Starting Over. A CPA, Sue has an MBA from Northwestern University's Kellogg Graduate School of Management.

This Article has been viewed 109 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
No comments yet.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.